How to stay sane as a single mother

Being a mother enriched my life in many different ways. It made me softer, wiser and more in tune with the present moment. Hearing my son laugh is the biggest blessing for the heart, worth more than all the money in the world. His purity is refreshing like a summer breeze and the light he holds is so needed in these dark times our planet earth is currently facing. My little Guru taught me what love really is and I feel honored to be the mother of such an amazing little boy.

November

Now I pooped enough rainbows for the day:

Motherhood is beautiful, but it’s not easy- it’s a very challenging full time job that contains next to no appreciation and reward. After breastfeeding my son for over 1,5 years, I am really glad he finally dropped off my boobs like a filled up tick. Having a baby means giving up a whole lot of things, your time, your body, your sleep, your privacy, your hair, your sex life, your freedom. Most mothers accept these accompanying symptoms  courageously, thanks to a warm and fuzzy oxytocin rush in their bloodstream. They see things through rose colored glasses, blinded by love for their babies.

Nevertheless most mothers experience a special kind come down, once their little darlings enter their terrible twos (I am no exception!). It’s quite irritating when an innocent, shining angel gets possessed by demons, that force its body to fall on the floor and to scream full of rage, because mummy (that bitch!) says NO to another cookie. I have not yet learned how to perform exorcism, so whenever my son acts as an Emily Rose, all I can do is to pray that he is just going through a phase and to focus on myself, so we are not both going mad.

Even though my son „Mio Shayan“ is a love child from head to toe, the circumstances he chose for his entrance on this world, were far away from being perfect. He was the result of an very passionate but painful on and off relationship that had no prospects from the beginning, because of our insuperable differences. I got pregnant in the middle of my academic studies and rolled to university to write my exams till Mio was about to pop. I studied while breastfeeding and my baby was even called the youngest scholarly person by my professors, whenever I took him with me to my seminars and classes. My exboyfriend left me in the middle of the work for my diploma thesis, which I am hopefully about to finish next month. So…Trust me, the last two years were intense, but even though I was close to lose my nerves plenty of times, I didn’t turn insane.

Today I want to share some of my sanity secrets with all young mothers who might benefit from them.

Love ❤ Lisa

1.Make Sleep a priority

„Sleep?! What’s that?! I can’t remember…“, is what all the new mums might ask right now. I know that rest feels like a beloved friend you lost in the past once you have a newborn baby. Still your body and brain needs sleep to function properly, so make it your number one priority and just take a nap whenever you can!!!

2. Eat and Drink enough

Breastfeeding burns a lot of calories (500+ a day, depending on your babies appetite), so please make sure you eat enough nourishing foods. Don’t restrict your calories, you really need energy right now! Ask your visitors to bring some food instead of expecting to be feasted by you. Breastfeeding can be very time consuming and draining, so make sure your primary needs are met.

3. Hand over responsibility

It’s hard for some mothers to let go of their children, so they behave like a clucking hen, constantly overprotecting their offspring. I personally think that these mothers overlook the risk of becoming a danger for their children themselves. Children need love, attention and security, that a burned out and distressed individual can’t provide. So use every chance you get to have some time for yourself. t doesn’t make you a bad mother to make your own wellbeing a priority!

4. Mental hygiene

Don’t waste your precious time watching TV, engaging in gossip or in other people’s problems. Use your precious time to nourish your soul. I personally think that it is so important to take time every day to look after your mental hygiene. Otherwise though viruses will grow like weeds and blemish your own inner garden. I find journaling, meditation and hypnoses to be the most effective gardening tools. Just make sure you make them part of your daily routine and to be consistent for getting the best results.

5. Exersice

Feeling good in your own skin is essential for being a happy sane mother. I know it’s not easy to fit in exercise is a busy mummy schedule, but it is possible! (My next blog entry will be about „how to stay fit as a mother“)

6. Don’t try to be perfect

Carrying a mask is just exhausting and you need all the energy you can get for yourself and your baby/child. Stop trying to please other people! They will always know it better and they will always criticize you no matter what. So fuck them and their uncalled for opinions and advice.

7.Talk to likeminded people

To interchange with understanding, supportive people holds a big part in how to stay sane as a mother.  Choose your social environment wisely and stay away from people that suck your energy and bring you down. It’s food for the soul to share your experiences with people who can relate to your situation and won’t judge you for your struggles.

8. Ask for help

Just be honest and ask for help when you need it! Seriously! There are mothers who suffocate their children due to excessive demands. You don’t want to become one of them!

9. You deserve it!

Please be gentle and kind to yourselves. Pamper yourselves like your babies. You deserve it!

10. You are more than a just mother

Many mothers start losing their identity once they have a child. They merge together with their babies into a symbiosis, I personally doubt to be healthy. Having a child and being a mother doesn’t mean to give up your former self. You can still be a wonderful and wild woman with dreams and desires. Never sacrifice your happiness! Your life is not over once you had a child, it has just begun.

love

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3 thoughts on “How to stay sane as a single mother

  1. “You can still be a wonderful and wild woman with dreams and desires.” This sums everything up perfectly! I often find myself too immersed in my child’s affairs, that I forget who I really am. I feel incomplete whenever she’s away at her dad’s, for instance. Yes, motherhood is wonderful and can be the best thing that ever happened to any woman, but it’s not the end all and be all.

    I feel I have to keep reading and rereading this post you wrote, so it finally seeps into my subconscious 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wonderful suggestions! Where were you 40 years ago when I had my first? Not even a “twinkle in your parents’ eyes” I imagine. It took me 10 years to get up the courage to have another child. During that pregnancy, I had a cat who taught me a lot of the things you have spotlighted: get plenty of rest; eat and drink well and enough; take some time for you each day. Come to think of it — she didn’t have a partner either. However, as far as I know, she wasn’t completing college. You never know with cats.

    Currently, I live in Morocco among an expanded family where there are about 30 very happy children, including a small boy who was recently weaned. Mothers here have LOTS of help and support — I think it’s the way raising kids should be. Everyone is a cousin or auntie or uncle — many home, many moms. Being here has shown me the benefits of strong families. I have been inspired being in this culture and hope to take back some of the gifts when my husband and I return to the States in November. Blessings and hugs, you Fairy Trooper, You ♥ Alia

    Liked by 1 person

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